I woke up off 2 hours of sleep. I knew this would happen thanks to a plethora of factors. By the time it came for me to go to bed, I felt that familiar uncomfortable feeling in my throat again - once more I was sick - likely the result of histamines. Really, I haven't been able to say I can breathe regularly throughout the day for who knows how long. The duration of time that allergies have affected my life alongside the downturns I've felt mentally as a result warrants some sort of brain scan I feel. I had put an energy drink in the fridge since I absolutely had to be up, thanks to an 8AM I couldn't afford to miss. I didn't miss it. I then went on a short hike. I saw a lot of cool plants and trees invasive and likewise. Did I mention that I have allergies and am currently sick as a result of them? What the fuck was I doing anyways? Well, I can tell you what I did afterwards. I got Panda Express. White rice. Nothing but chicken. Maybe like 110g of protein total in a meal that encompasses just over half of my calorie intake on this cut I've been meaning to do. In spite of the 200mg of caffeine however, I was still tired. I had a lot of time before my next class, so I figured I'd lay down on my left side (if you didn't know, it is the surefire way to prevent reflux and other unpleasant stomach ails lying down after eating) and take a short nap. I dismissed my alarm set 1 hour and 30 minutes ahead of time the moment I woke up and fell immediately back to sleep. The moment I realized what happened, I was absurdly scared. Thankfully, I woke up just 10 minutes before my next class! The brain always knows. The body, however, never seems to not betray.
I was hot. I mean, I always am, I'm the sexiest white boy out there. But my body was on fucking fire. Despite the single thin blanket I had draped over myself, the amount of heat insulated within my body allowed for my body to be coated head to toe in a layer of sweat. Between the caffeine and the sodium intake of my last meal (both working against eachother), there's no doubt in my mind that I had became at least a little dehydrated. But I had a class to go to, my electromagnetic physics class. Attendance is a grade, of course! It was too late for any sappy "I'm fucking zapped, ignore my attendance grade" emails sent to my professor, I had to thug that shit out with my water bottle stuck to my body. I got through all 24 ounces before we'd even gotten like 30 minutes in. It's important to mention that my professor also lowkey fucking sucks at lecturing and her exams also suck as well so basically the only thing that's stopping me from downright hating her is that she is an absolute sweetheart, so what followed was a massive struggle session on my part in a room with 40 sweaty (HVAC is especially shitty in this building) likely amphetamine-addicted overachievers. Really, I don't care about my grade in this class just as long as I pass it, which I will. My academic schedule is just too quick; classes are too pedantic for me to give a shit about something I have menial passion in seemingly every hour out of the day. It's hard to understand if I don't have the time to do so. Repetition just isn't enough, it needs to be comfortably spaced, you know? Anki vibes. Studying the Japanese language via Anki cards to jerk off to loli nukige has infinitely more merit than being a groomed autistm hire to a federal agency.
It seemed at that point that my dissatisfaction reached its breaking point. I had actually sent an email earlier to discuss my change of major into psychology. I had actually sent it to an email that didn't exist. I mistyped it. So I sent it again. I mistyped it again. I got it proper this time, but it was too late. I need a brain scan. After that, I did nothing I feel. I can't even remember what I did for the 4-5 or so hours after that, but I went to the gym and did some high intensity walking as a rest from my usual routine. I got back and finished Harry Potter with my #LatinaWife. I then, finally, studied. I have a lot more of that to do. Too much, but I felt like I just couldn't do it due to my lack of sleep affecting my entire mood throughout the day. Some things just happen to me and I can't function the way I want to as a result. If my nose is perpetually stuffy, my eyes burning, my brain constantly over the place, and my throat itchy all without a surefire remedy, all I really can do is just sit down and let life come to me. If you couldn't tell already, I'm not the type of person to act on it. My bad habits constantly returning with new coats of paint, alongside a weird chest pain and coinciding feeling in the back of my head. I wonder if its all connected somehow.
I just can't help but hate how I'm not the person I used to be, and some aspects of my ails contribute to my inability to not wanting to perpetually improve day after day. I'm sure it'll be harder to sleep right now, it's all completely insufferable. My cough is bad, my chest hurts, and my nose swelled shut of course. I'm just glad I have an excuse for this all. My frustration is completely justified because I always know there's something at least moderately wrong.
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