Iairginization XIII: I'm heartless. Stone cold
1. Song of the day is Getting Away With It. This is esoteric evil Brit knowledge. Don't ever let anyone find out what Electronic is. They clearly didn't want anyone to know in the first place that's why they're called Electronic
2. however i look its clear to see i love you more than you love me
3. I don't want to talk about it.
4. Please leave me alone I seriously don't. Anyways Jaxson Dart is showing a level of mentality that you just cannot teach he has been thrown the entire New York Giants experience in 4 weeks of football and he has only gotten better. His mistakes are few and far between as a rookie quarterback and no game should have ever been hinged on them
5. Discrete math is making me feel really dumb. If anyone wants to tutor me I'm open. I don't like proofwriting it makes me feel really vulnerable and feminine
6. I ask myself why my stomach hurts so much and then I make oatmeal mixed with peanut butter with one of those fairlife protein shakes as a base liquid
7. I've been forced into a position of bulking after accidentally losing too much weight as either a consequence of bloat attributing to several pounds of my bown bodyweight or accidentally eating too little (about 2400 calories regardless) undergoing my regular routine. I am the most punished man ever in existence.
8. I don't like being in disagreement that much but any time I feel as if someone's being too apologetic towards something I hold strong opinions in or maybe perhaps they misconstrue ideas at a fundamental level I am insulted. I spring into action like a tiger or maybe even a lion.
9. I'm feeling a little sluggish as of recent, but the mind is sharp, despite my struggles with discrete mathematics. What do you want from me!!!
10. "The mind is sharp" as I do perfectly average on one of my midterms as I forgot how to do relatively straightforward algebra on a question that hinged on such a thing and had to be worth like 12 out of 100 points
11. Regardless this is a victory. I feel as if I'm too apologetic for my shortcomings but knowing my labor bore fruits makes me happy. The world is not as cruel as I thought. Don't get me wrong though it still is. I have proof. The head coach of my football team is fat as fuck and hasn't been able to manage a 4th quarter for 5 years.
12. IAIR LEGS UPDATE: I don't know what's wrong but something's wrong so I'm holding off on the running. Of course I'm still walking 5 miles every day on the regular now so I can feel something lesser than I what would otherwise feel. This is what they call "wear and tear" in EA Sports NCAA Football.
13. I'd love to dwell in the library forever but most of my school's architecture was made in a time where the world wasn't completely ruined yet so the HVAC fucking sucks. If there's one constant truth in the world, it's that AC is the most important invention in human history. When the sun is up, buildings become unnecessarily musty trapping in the heat. It's hard to focus when you feel yourself begin to subtly sweat your ass off. You have to wait until the sun's down to really get stuff done. But when your work is concentrated around when the sun is down, it will undoubtedly cut into the time you need to sleep in civil society. This is why I'm unable to live in Europe.
14. Why did we collectively forget about Dipset as much as we did. I mean in terms of the "chipmunk soul" style the meat of their work was right before Kanye brought it to complete sentience with The College Dropout but that doesn't mean that it's inferior or anything. Diplomatic Immunity is just full of vile shit about 9/11 and the Twin Towers collapsing like they didn't just fall and all of these dudes were from New York.
15. Honorable mention: Down and Out by Cam'ron. This was 2004 and Kanye was involved heavily so of course it's like the greatest song ever.
16. LIBRARY: I keep intending on reading more but I just feel the desire to read too late in the day. I can't have it cutting into my sleep, and it'd almost certainly cut into my sleep. Besides, when I do read at those hours, I usually exhaust myself really quickly, so I give it maybe 30 minutes of some intensive reading before I feel the need to fall asleep. I legitimately live the hardest life ever you don't even know
17. I feel the spark coming back, which is more than what I could've said about last year.
18. I am becoming a gnostic warrior. Even my inaction is breeding knowledge. I'll use it to craft more elaborate erotic video game scenarios that will never come to fruition.
19. If you're unable to go through a tailor-made story or play Tetris in your head anyways don't talk to me. Especially the Tetris part.
20. I can't believe it took like a billion years before someone actually invented Tetris, something that I'm sure someone else must've thought about at some other point in time, and it was done by some bored Soviet programmer. Companies sending representitives to the USSR as if they're conducting diplomacy simply to be the first one to capitalize off the idea, like they weren't just playing that shit in their head 10 minutes ago.
21. There can be a lot of comfort in discomfort. Like if you fail a rather heavy set when you lift weights, the logical conclusion would be to take a little off and then try again at that new mark. You would surely be able to complete the set then, and with that completion comes a great sense of accomplishment, and maybe even a brief image of you with big oily man boobs
22. ... getting done with an exam you've been dreading and realizing that you haven't done too bad all things considered. Acting weird and gay when a woman approaches you, thinking beforehand "God, please don't let this be it!". Being able to understand the colloquial meaning of 精通 after 2 brutal weeks of Anki. Many examples exist in everyday life. Come up with some. Realize how good you have it
23. I also spin this idea when it concerns "learning vs. understanding". They are two entirely separate things. Learning is frustrating, stumbling over terms, examples and definitions in order to make sense of it all and to link a priori understanding to that which you are trying to understand. Understanding is seeing a problem or a task given to you and being able to come up with a solution or a methodology quickly. Obviously, you can then say we learn to understand, but it'd help if learning weren't so fucking frustrating.
24. I_ai_r, age 8, understood this quite well. I was able to punch above my weight doing absolutely everything except math. It warranted some discussion, but my counselor(s) were never able to really put a hypothesis together. Outside of not innately having a quantitative mind like I did with verbal reasoning, the truth of the matter was that it was just so fucking boring trying to piece it together that I just didn't want to bother.
25. Sometimes I feel the same about programming too. You can do so much cool shit if only you know how to do it, but getting to know it takes so long, and the act of programming itself is incredibly frustrating (taking many elements of mathematics alongside it), so sometimes I just figure its best I kill myself instead.
26. I really do yearn for the boat but it's too late
27. Sometimes I look at the photos I take and I look like Paul Skallas. Other times I look like a virile young twink. The Amish really were right with the whole "cameras steal souls" thing, because my entire identity hinges on one of those two things being true, and I don't even have a conclusive answer.
28. I wish I could feel as strongly about visual novels as the next guy. But I don't. Football is better
29. There's Japanese college football you can watch. You got the NPB why don't we care about the NPB. It's the best pitching league in the world. 空振り三振 is also really fun to say in your best announcer voice but it's hard. Not as easy off the tongue as Gary Cohen's "struck him out!".
30."God? heh. I dont need God. I have science" - Me
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