1. I got done with finals and I've come to the conclusion that I've got it all wrong.
2. In other words, I think I need to change the away I approach academics, at least under this current schedule we have right now. I'm acting as if I have the liberty to maybe sacrifice complete comprehension in the short-term in order to benefit me in the long-term but unfortunately it does not work that way. It does not work at all actually
3. For example, I'm convinced I made a logical mistake on an exam problem so bad that I was tempted to email my professor kowtowing and saying some shit like "I'm sorry and I promise you I'm not actually this dumb" while working through what is essentially only one part of the answer right in front of me and accepting it as the complete product, even going as far as to say that the rest effectively isn't needed.
4. Let p and q some predicates where p = "Proofwriting is pedantic bullshit", q = "I am a castrated slave". Thus p ^ q.
5. There are plenty of reasons why my ability to effectively solve problems of any kind are all over the place, including and not limited to the fact that my mind is also all over the place (which is something that can be remedied by getting off the internet more often, but believe me when I say that we are not doing that), but in my heart I still do not fully believe I'm actually an engineer. That will not stop me, however, from being an engineer.
6. Life has effectively turned me into Lonzo Ball where both of my legs are pulled pork and I keep reaggrevating injuries that never really existed up until an intelligent designer of the universe willed them into existence because they want me to die. I've suffered like 2 mild calf strains in the past month or so and both of my knees are inflamed despite the lack of volume of "real" cardio I'm doing. This means that I should probably take a really, really long break from it.
7. What also didn't help the whole healing process is the fact that I'm walking like 5 kilometers a day and all of it is up and down these steep hills. If you haven't felt something like it already, it really gets to you. But I have felt it already, in fact, I've felt it for years, I've just been doing it too much, therefore it is getting to me.
8. Thankfully, this allows me to lift more weights and eat as much as I'm supposed to without killing my gains. I am finding massive success at the gym and my manboobs are looking firm and squeezable.
9. That does not mean you can touch them
10. I find it really dumb that my local theater didn't end up carrying the Reze movie when it was out. Luckily I don't really care about Chainsaw Man anymore so I could wait as long as I wanted for a torrent to drop so I could watch it then. It's like 10gb and there's subtitles in pretty much every relevant language except for Japanese. I will be watching without them and understanding every word because I'm a scholar of oriental languages and also cluster B pussy.
11. I'm really trying to get more input in, especially now that I'm on break and my schedule's gonna be easier the next time around. I finished watching Shigofumi as of recent and I didn't really like it as much as I think I would but it was still nice regardless because I really liked the colors and how emotive each character was and the concept of it all, although I don't think it's really fit for a 12 (+1 OVA) episode anime. Some of the single-episode storylines were also good.
12. Before that it was CLANNAD. I could talk for hours about CLANNAD but let me condense down my thoughts without giving away too much about it unconsensually to anyone who doesn't really know much about the series: CLANNAD will fuck you up. Less so the first season, but after a while After Story decides to perform Pavlovian conditioning on you to make you cry on command. I was mid bite and I started fucking crying. I was eating a Subway sandwich. I was crying eating a footlong Subway sandwich and it's all because of some anime girls who look like those inbred pitbulls. The music plays a big role in all of this.
13. I'll start watching Boogiepop soon, maybe after I'm done writing this, and then watch XXXTentacion's favorite anime Texhnolyze. In case you've noticed, or were probably wondering, I realized something rather large was missing from my life. Days, weeks, months, in the end it felt like I could never just put a name to it. Then, I opened GIMP; I saw it.
14. Sepia.
15. I wish I really "got" visual novels as much as other people but I don't think I was ever destined to. If anything, I was born to look at the CGs browsing through Pinterest on my queen sized bed with pastel pink fitted sheet and covers and pillows and a dedicated corner dedicated to all of my plushies on my phone with a new My Melody case, sending the best ones to my unemployed Nazi boyfriend saying "us", but I'm a hairy Greek male, and pink bedsheets are mutually exclusive with that fact; pink is a color for girls.
16. Regardless I'm slowly working through a visual novel by the name of "sugarfull tempering" (coloquially referred to as Shugaten) in the Yamatoan language of the eastern orient, after I saw another freakish AGP Greek (I must restate that it is not myself) reading through it the same way. You are an amnesiac young male, allegedly sent by God, to save the bakery of two fine young ladies. The artist, Shiratama, is also responsible for the character design of Gochiusa, another anime I haven't watched and in all honesty was planning on watching up until I saw Jah only gave it a 7. There seems to be another visual novel in which she (yes, the lolicon character designer IS a real foid) ended up working on with a similar setting, that of course being young girls and pastries. Conceptually, I'd say it's a pretty French setting altogether, which makes sense because this is an eroge after all and there's nothing more that French people love doing more than having sex with children and eating bread(s) of different varieties.
17. I've started and stopped various visual novels in Japanese for virtually no reason at all, but frankly I think I'm incentivized now more than ever to get through this one outside of its modest length: that of course being to touch my Tommy Todger to the h-scenes.
18. Meanwhile, my music listening saga is still on halt. I think it's because I don't actually like listening to albums as much as I like finding good songs and just playing them over and over again. This is ultimately why I think I like New Order so much: they were pretty much cursed with having all of their best songs (also coincidentally the best of all time) be singles either standalone or off another album of theirs, so when you do have an "album" like Substance combining all of them, it's pretty much all hits and no misses.
19. A stunning development has occurred in parallel with me listening to 1963 and Bizarre Love Triangle too much: I've actually come back around on Joy Division, undoubtedly as a result of me understanding post-punk as a genre a little more better. It seems like every song off of Unknown Pleasures has such loud and elaborate instrumentation that works really well in "surpressing" the vocals, but not downright drowning them out, which almost certainly contributes to the whole thing's melancholic "I'm going to kill myself in a year" sound in parts. Big fan of the guitar on She's Lost Control Again. Also pretty much everything about Shadowplay and Disorder.
20. I don't really like listening to music in a lot of the contexts where people would listen to music. Especially in work and study, but with a strong exception in exercise. Even when the music is "predictable" (as in you've listened to a song so many times you've effectively memorized it), or if it lacks vocals altogether, the two key ideas behind "study music", it just doesn't work. I can't do logical tasks listening to Aphex Twin or Underworld.
21. The Mets make me really upset. Maybe all of this are all things that had to be done in the end, but the fact that they haven't shown their hand yet, alongside the trauma of previous owners with tendencies to let franchise cornerstones walk in free agency to bring in old bums and younger, replacement level bums in their position has got me worried that they're really gonna kill me this time around, gradually twisting the knife further and further.
22. UPDATE: The Mets would never make me really upset.
23. More bullshit on AI: based on gnostic evidence gathered by me, the #1 authority on all things, ew are seeing something completely unprecedented. Saying that without context just makes me sound like I'm gonna write a Linkedin post but I promise you I'm going to lament on the collapse of the American economy you're just going to have to give me until the next bullet point.
24. Whenever a truly new technology finds its way into the consumer space, it will always be expensive, weak, and inefficient compared to what it will be many of years down the line. It's pretty much a general rule of computing, and it was so exponential of an improvement year over year that Moore's Law was eventually coined. Although that too lost relevance, you can still see some adjacent technologies, like monitor displays and VR headsets, be "perfected" as the time goes on.
25. But nobody really needs either of those things-- what I stated can be considered hobbyist technology at best-- therefore it all seems under control. However, there was once a time where RAM and storage experienced this same gradual improvement this decade. Up until now, of course, and it's all AI's fault. Wow. You already know compute power's the "why", but the very idea of consumer AI has gave life to signs that things will only get worse.
26. AI isn't as niche as a clunky VR headset to roleplay as a little girl on VRChat with, it has become a global cultural zeitgeist in record time, the single most important thing ever, and everyone (and that means EVERYONE) is fighting to keep these services functional. The massive data centers in residential areas destroying everything and everyone around them is just the byproduct of an even bigger terror: we simply just do not have the sufficient technology to sustain its usage, and as a result it has latched itself to the world as what is effectively a massive tumor. Companies like OpenAI can't afford the way its being used, hardware manufacturers cannot source enough chips to satiate their demands, and as a result 80% of the United States' economy is now contingent on the continual transfers of hundreds of billions of dollars that don't exist between a handful of corporations.
27. Metaphorically think of this as them (whoever they may be) finding a way to create a computer as powerful as the Playstation 2 in 1973, and then immediately deciding to try and make Shadow of the Colossus. One does not need to imagine the time necessary to even make such a machine, how unbelievably fucking large it'd be, how much electricty it'd eat up, etc. etc. Basically we are in a position where the market simply cannot "correct" itself because the expensive piece of shit is entirely free to the end user.
28. The market never corrects itself anyways. If you believe that me and my woke goons are going to correct you anally
29. If you hate the United States and you want to see it crash and burn, use ChatGPT. If you love the United States and support American manufacturing and software jobs, use ChatGPT.
30. This effectively places the class of "young adult who likes Sonic a little bit too much" in what was previously the role of "Gen Xer who likes Ghostbusters and Gremlins a little bit too much".
31. I will not elaborate on that last sentence but if you understand remotely what I'm talking about I suggest you log off for a while. Don't even read the blog man. Don't even read the blog
32. Things we are bringing into 2026: Italian brainrot, "GU Energy Gel", ashwagandha root, sepia tone anime, silly horse videos, walks outside.
33. Things we are leaving in 2025: Shai "Shugalicious" Gilgeous-Alexander, Pragmata discourse, Brendon Urie (like physically freeze him in time), Cygames fanart guidelines, discrete mathematics, weed smokers (Holocaust).
34. ANOTHER THING I CANNOT BE: Literary nerd. I have been reading "The Sun Also Rises" by Hemingway on and off for some time and after maybe like 50 pages it occurred to me that this entire thing is about like 3 different men trying to turn a hoe into a housewife without any of them knowing that each of them is trying to turn that same exact hoe into a housewife. Interdimensional cuckold saga. You could substitute the whole "American expats in western Europe" setting contemporarily for "midwest transplants to New York City" and it would make too much sense. Slice of life if you replaced the cute lesbian high school girls with the mental image of 5'6 moids with the sex pest mustache.
35. I halted on reading The Pale King because I ended up picking the aforementioned book on a whim. I must say it is extremely fun though, although its easy to forget a lot of its "chapters" because the whole thing is all over the place and plausibly unfinished. The occasional diatribes on Illinois tax law really put into perspective why every character named in that book seems deeply insecure about themselves.
36. I HAVE DEFINITIVELY DECIDED WHEN I WILL READ INFINITE JEST: When I grow 6 inches and gain 40 pounds of muscle, so I can go outside and sit on the grass with my big funny looking book, and one by one foids will come over and say stuff like "Wow what's that big book youre holding you must be so smart hehe" and then I smirk and flip my hair and I'm like "Heh, i'm taken foid" and kind of do my kind of signature hunter eyes stare which is clinically proven to put fear into the eyes of anyone who must bear witness to it and then I start reading the book again up until I finish like 3 pages total and I get super frustrated that I don't know any of the words so I close the book and go back inside and read Solo Levelling and Umineko no Naku Koro Ni instead
37. There's a lot of better things I've been doing as of recent that aren't scrolling the internet. You musn't know them yet. It will be all great in the end.
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