Stop using Discord.
Let's start this off with the reason why I've felt the motivation to write all of this out in the first place. For the past several months, my girlfriend has been dealing with an online stalker, plain and simple. There was nothing that warranted this behavior, and there especially was nothing that warranted the extent at which the behavior is currently being carried out. It's plain and simple obsession, one absent of any potential rational cause. She took her name, online handles, fuck, even her entire aesthetic sensibility, and proceeded to shit-talk her unprompted. Seeing how these are attacks thrown at someone already suffering with immense paranoia, I would obviously take some offense, yet any chance of confrontation I could have would fall upon deaf ears. This is the result of her having an incredibly small online circle, and one that's only gotten smaller with time. Classic dumb white bitch shit. Or so I thought-- of course white bitches are still dumb-- but a rather disgusting truth made itself apparent in this past week that suggested it was more than just that; it's always right in front of you.
They are fully conscious of their actions; toying with her and manipulating her emotions under the pretense that she is in a way "loved" and "wanted", only it to be far from the truth. In reality, one person wants a malleable plaything to be worn out, extorted, and then discarded, while the other is clearly absent of the necessary emotional maturity or care in their young life to realize what exactly is going on in their life. In other words, she's vulnerable. She's vulnerable and just wants to be wanted. In reality, she'll be by herself again in some time, and more likely than not in a worse state than she came in. For now, she can only burn bridges and mold herself into someone she's not for the sole purpose of appeasing the idea of a person that does not exist, appeasement derived from a sexual fantasy which uses lolicon as a proxy for blatant pedophilia.
... and if this is your first time hearing something like this, it won't be your last. If this is nothing new to you, know that this behavior is both constant and ceaseless and any proper justice will likely never exist. That's the nature of the internet. There will always be suitors for these types of people. They are uniquely desperate. They're just young enough to where they don't know exactly what they're doing, and so every good thing that they are worth is taken and exchanged for a million other self-destructive habits which are then egged on by others who were unfortunate enough to find themselves in the same trap. They have the benefit of hindsight of knowing what exactly was done to them, but they've just given up. This is what is bred.
I find it disgustingly ironic however that I say this with an air of survivorship bias, seeing how I almost found myself directly in a situation like this before. "I'm smart, and I avoided this, therefore everyone who didn't must be either 1. dumb or 2. emotionally immature". I hope it does not come across this way. The situation in question entailed a 20-something crazy (bolded in order to highlight the degree of how fucking crazy we're talking) Onlyfans girl. We're talking as severe as BPD can get over a 14 year old. THE favorite person. I got roped into sleep calls and shit. The scary thing is that she looked really, really fucking good as well. I'm almost ashamed talking about it now. Actually, I'm REALLY ashamed talking about it now, but this was a genuinely satanic pedophile succubus who was trying to take advantage of me. Even tried to make me download Snapchat. Do you know what kind of people use Snapchat above the age of 20? Exactly. You know what the crazy thing is too that I just remembered when I was writing all of this out? The OnlyFans wasn't paid or whatever, it was free. Like all of it. Free. She was on there letting it squirt for the love of the game free of charge! Sometimes you have to ask why God tempts you with these kinds of people.
... as the truth of the matter still remained. This person does not love me, and this person will never love me. They were always needlessly infatuated with me. I was nothing more than an age to this person and, have the clock strike one day, I'll be gone. That's to say if the BPD stopped talking beforehand. Anyways she disappeared regardless, almost with my denials of advances. No doubt she's sedated now. God please I beg. Anyways I'm digressing now sorry LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Often times I find instances of similar situations (that of general abusiveness and unhappiness) that don't find themselves rooted in such heavy manipulation. It's normal to be in a doldrum with a partner in a healthy relationship, as both of you are humans who are subscribed to loving another person for who they are, not an idea of who they are. Internet grooming is so prevalent mainly not only because of its accessibility, but also how easy it is to set the precedent of who you are. It's easy to pretend to be someone you're not. Texts, voice messages, and even calls do not carry the same emotional weight of direct interaction, as barely a thing is improvised and can be meticulously thought out prior in order to produce a positive reaction, even if you can't stand ten toes on it; how will the other person know that you don't stand ten toes on what you've said? Are they gonna look at your body language? Your eye contact? Cadence? When you remove the explicit cues to which all walks of life rely on in socialization, the lines between a visage and a reality blur into a splitting image to which someone with bad intentions can easily feed off of your own psychological need for connection in order to empower themselves. Trust is important-- yet you can hardly give trust-- often those who constantly do may find themselves being used. Isaiah 54:17. Bitchhhhhhhhh.
Stop using Discord.
It gets to a point where you have to ask to what extent people will go to feel loved. It gets to a point where you have to ask what extent you will go to feel loved. We've already begun the subtle collapse with accepting dating apps into our lives, finding your wife on Twitter is just the next logical step (lmao lmao lmao lol lmao). Yet, sometimes a feeling just doesn't feel genuine, as is being attracted to someone solely off of their appearance alone. But when the feeling's there, and it's reciprocated, what's stopping you from trying to ride it out? It doesn't matter who it is, it doesn't matter what you want to do, it's there. It makes you feel fulfilled, it makes you feel wanted. Then it doesn't. Give it like another 3 weeks at most maybe, and it does again. This is when we move into pure subjectivity. I believe that a relationship can never be healthy if there isn't any direct committment. The lack thereof creates more issues than there are benefits. For every time you're willing to throw aside both your flaws and the flaws of your partner to get back together under the mutual idea of "maybe this time it'll be different", there will be gradually more scars that appear as a result of trying to keep together a broken dream. You're not too late to give it up either... unless the person in question is inherently obsessive (I know a few people) and you're afraid of the extents to which they will never cease to leave you alone. Unless you've seriously fucked up, you're not doing it for the kids or anything. No sleeping in separate beds or traumatizing your son by having them overhear your incest roleplay. Love is one of those things that is uniquely blinding, yet often times I look at some couples and tell myself whether or not it would be so hard for one of these people to step back and ask themselves whether or not if any of what they sustain is worth it.
I'd say that there's almost catharsis knowing that you're alone (I cried for a bit when it all sinked in after I moved away), but I'm lowkey a schizoid lmao. I derive too much comfort from being alone. It's because I know myself best, second to my mom. The best thing someone like me or you can do is finding someone who's that third in command, someone who will undoubtedly accept you who you are, your flaws, hobbies, and extremities (to an EXTENT) alike. A thing I feel like we must all understand, and something that I certainly have to tell my children, is that we can't rush intimacy. Doing so will just cause more problems. You'll surely learn, but will those lessons warrant the pain? I feel as if it's better to accept the fact that, as much as I sound like a Disney character, as long as you believe and try, love will eventually come to you. Will it be today? Tomorrow? A week? Month? Year? Decade? Alien pussy? I can't tell you, neither can you!