I think it's been about 8 months. Honestly, I think I knew from the start what the only thing I really needed was. I am a hotbed of ideas, some good, mostly bad; I just could not communicate them genuinely. My mind had already been in the gutter. I was on break for a month at that point, haven just graduated, yet I felt worse then I ever had been. It was a deep episode, and, probably my worst yet. I could find the motivation to run at most. I was left alone with my thoughts. It would be iyashikei, nature walks, and meditation that would get me out of this. Nothing ever goes as planned.
I met you out of pure mistake.
It's incredible that the only thing you had to do was listen to me. It didn't matter when, it didn't matter what it was about, you just found some sort of profound interest in taking everything in. I understood that you weren't one who would particularly know most of it, but that sort of interaction is all I ever wanted. It's all I ever needed. Nevermind that you're just too sweet, or cute, or honest to God whatever else it is that you are, there was something there in your soul with that quality in particular that showed me that we could have something. I'm happy to say that I still have it. I want to have it for a lot more time. I actually want to have it for a LOT more time. Can you think about how long that is? You probably can't. Neither can I. I want it forever, if you couldn't tell.
The funny thing is that you thought of such a thing before me, I just had the more gall to say it.
I'm not afraid to say that it was because I was desperate. Just speaking with you helped clear up my mind. I felt just a little better about myself; I could bring myself to do just a little bit more, it was magical. I hadn't felt this way towards a person in years. It also helped that you lowkey fucking sucked at hiding your own feelings but, thankfully, I had that smallest bit of doubt in my heart that made you saying "yes" that much more cathartic.
I find simple enjoyment in things. This website is simple. This letter is simple. The conception of this relationship of ours was simple. Its persistence for half a year and counting was based off of enjoying the little things we gave to eachother. Little things are never not simple, are they not? To which I say, less is more. But have bigger things come-- which they will-- it will be that much better between the two of us. It doesn't matter what stands in the way in the future or the present, I know one thing will always hold true:
that being that I love you.