The Illusion Of The Balance Of Work And Leisure: In This Economy? One Or The Other Buddy, Be Free Or Die
Work!
I have admittedly felt like shit as of recent. I don't even need to ask why. Is it my diet? Partially. Is it my sleep? My sleep has been quite well as of recent, actually. The answer's in the calendar. It's exam week(s). By the time I'm writing this, I have gotten two done in the past two days, have one today (in about 10 hours), and will have a final on Saturday at 10AM. One must ask what I've done to warrant such punishment being dealt unto me in such a short amount of time; it's obvious that this is what has deemed to be a fitting punishment by an omnibeing, the maker of this world which is cruel by design-- that which only guarantees the bare minimum of survival for the living as opposed to as much prosperity possible-- for being so god damn cracked at writing these fucking blogposts. Anyways I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, and I don't even feel that stressed throughout the day to warrant such a strong reaction from my body. My skin's gotten much worse as well; my body hasn't been healing from minor ails like soreness and joint pain likely as a result of such. It is only then that I recently realized that this may be my entire life going forward, hence the constant rhetoric from soulless husks (no offense to my parents as a result of this analogy) to enjoy my college years as much as possible. But you see here: I can afford no leisure. Between the torrid pace of my coursework, the fact that the coursework is actually really fucking hard, and the fact that my super-autism with attention hyperdeficit symptoms has gone untreated for the past few years, I've gotten used to a state of perpetual unrest. Often times I neglect my own environment, my body, and other things under the perception that I have to dedicate as much time as possible into these subjects in order to guarantee that I have a good understanding of it as I progress further through the cantos of Dante's Inferno themed after the absence of ethics in chase of manipulating KKKorporate ϟ ϟuperprofit$ and Korean gacha games featuring gjinkas of weapons I may soon manufacture with massive glossy Live2D titties.
Anyways, I don't want to live my entire life like this, endlessly chasing deadlines and only being able to muster together half-assed work despite what I deem an incredible effort. Maybe the fault falls on me as a result of believing that constantly drilling exhaustive work with little solace in-between will warrant success at a high level. When a high school baseball coach stretches his young ace to 200 pitches in a start during Summer Koshien and gets a nice little complete game shutout in extra innings, does that mean he can then pop onto an NPB mound and do the same? Well no, because his pitch profiles are probably flat at that point and can be fucked on by anyone with a pulse, but also there's a nonzero chance that he even has a working elbow in his throwing hand after going through what could be constituted as a felony in the United States in a youth baseball game. I either work too hard and offer myself zero leway inbetween to recollect myself, or I think I'm working too hard as a result of some sort of psychosomatic (Addict Insane!) reaction revolving around one of the myriad complexes that are stashed away somewhere in my mind. Despite this, I still do believe that there's no such thing as a proper "work life balance". Even if the issues I perceive as being present in my academics are all but exaggerated, there still can exist the truth that the average person's life concerns itself too much with labor. At least in the second ever 4th world country the United States that is. It was already dire for decades prior; as we descend further into the gayest oligarchy ever I have zero hope that I will ever get to breathe like I was once able to again, "once" in reference to now, could be a bit later, or way before.
At this current stage, I see it as a zero sum game for any "normal" person no matter what, and we're stretching the bounds for normalcy to the furthest end possible. Literally think of a guy below the age of 30 that doesn't have a billion dollars. For the sake of this analogy, that is normalcy. Psychopathic startup bros who're taking the Diddy mentality to the grave, depsite having millions upon millions of dollars in venture capitalist money, are "normal". The worst girl you know who does cocaine off of various Sanrio branded items for Twitter likes is "normal". There will simply be no winning for anyone, because "winning" in the context of this society is aggregating enough capital to comfortably NOT have to do any labor anymore, ensuring you don't lose yourself along said path, with the number at which this threshold is established being volatile as-is and being ever-increasing with the sneaky impoverishment of the lower-middle-upper-middle class. Massive debts to attend higher education, rising rent on shit that's just not worth it, treatlerites, streaming services, the plague that are buy-now-pay-later apps (more debt!). We really are the Klarna generation. Name one time Azealia Banks was ever wrong.
Yet I know I cannot abandon all of this for what is effectively cheap political theater. I can still lead a life for myself elsewhere, and I'm sure there'll be more than a thousand places better than the US, perma-raped by a deliberate political polarization scheme orchestrated by the ruling class the moment they kinda started feeling threatened with movements like Occupy Wall Street, by the time I'll be able to get there. It can't possibly get worse now, can it? I can't help but feel I should just put my head down and take whatever difficulties come to me in uni for now. Maybe thinking about it too much is my biggest problem.
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